Catchy title, am I right? I thought so. I ask you to show a
little forbearance with this post as much, but not all is my opinion. So what
kind of utterly degrading filth could possibly be found in the pages of your
favorite comic book? Well, after the advent of the comic code not much, but the
cover my friend that is a different story! What am I getting at? Give a minute
I’ll get there, I promise.
Comics have had many dark periods, times when the industry
was doggie paddling, desperately trying to stay afloat. The near death knell (post
World War Two) of the super hero caused the industry to try new things, readers
grow up lose interest, move on etc. The 1990’s
was an era of highs and lows, retailers
cropping up only to fold a few years down the road, distributors pushing for
more retailers (who would ultimately fail in an oversaturated market) and
publishers reeling from downturns as a result.
With all the potential pitfalls facing your Thor-fearing
(ha-ha get it he’s a God, jeez I crack myself up), poor deluded retailer of
comic yarns, why would you give them a never resolving problem to face with
their customer base? Still wondering what I am talking about? Well friends I
refer to nothing less than the most extreme of deviances, one which should
shock any who witness its unchained horrors and the resultant effect on the
psyche of our little minds and puppies…that’s right…I am talking about the
VARIANT COVER!!!
Variant covers are a popular way to generate sales for the
industry and spark excitement in the reader, or conversely they are a blatant
marketing ploy to separate you and your hard earned stockpile of pre-designated
comic book dollars! I tend to go with the latter of those two choices rather
than the former, but hey I’m the Grinch who Stole Variants...too early for
Christmas references? Ok then I am the…guy with no witty remark, who sulks
about variants.
For the modern comic publisher (mind you I am talking more
about the industry giants, than the smaller struggling firms) there are many
different potential revenue streams to tap into. You have the comic book itself
or line of them, the toys/collectables, TV/movie deals, and the occasional
special event generating buzz and paydays. A variant cover is little more than
a cash grab for the deluded completion junkie, who much like a Pokémon card
collector on a three day crack binge, has got to “have ‘em all” (I feel your
pain brother and sister comic geeks, I am right there with you!!)
Add to this the potential for disappointing the customer of
local retailers, who can’t possibly keep up with the plethora of variants
without going under and you have a poorly executed ongoing crime against nature…and
comic lovers…and small dogs. Variant covers are the porn of comic books, “ooooh
yea baby, should I get all 52 variant covers, and spend well over 200 dollars?”
Yea I said it, DC I’m looking at you with your JLA 52 release. Now DC is not
the only pimp in the variant cover porn game, they are all guilty of turning us
into cheapened John’s with our name printed in the local paper after getting
caught in a sting. Marvel, IDW, Dynamite, Image they are all guilty.
You may argue that if you don’t buy, they won’t supply, and
you would be wrong!! This type of reasoning discounts the very nature of the
avid comic book collector, i.e. that we are all a bunch of junkies. So there
you have it boys and girls, comic books are sin, avarice, vice!! Variant covers
are the dirty fantasies. We’re all a bunch of perverts. Man, I love how dirty I
feel right now. With that said go forth and buy comics, you sicko!!
p.s. Leave a comment with your opinion/take/question, I promise I will get back to you faster than Kevin Smith on a deadline :)
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